What if my teen doesn't want to go to eating disorder treatment?
Written by ‘Ai Pono Hawaii Staff Writer
There are few things that are more difficult for the parents of teens with eating disorders than seeing their child suffering. It's painful to watch their eating disorder take over their entire lives, and terrifying to think that they could cause irreparable damage to their bodies.
While as a parent you can clearly see the consequences of your teen's eating disorder, they may not. Or, they may know, but they're reluctant to give up their disorder and start recovery. Often, teens with eating disorders are very resistant to getting the help they need.
In this article, you will learn:
Why your child may be resistant to treatment
What to do if they refuse to go to treatment altogether
The importance of not giving in to the eating disorder
How to maintain a recovery focused environment at home
The benefits of family involvement in helping your resistant teen recover
Remember: You are the one thinking clearly. You have to be the one in control, not the eating disorder. Also, your child is in there still! It may not seem like it, as their eating disorder seems to consume them and will do anything to remain that way.
Related: Want a more in depth knowledge about the signs, causes and courses of action for teens with eating disorders? Click here.
Why Teens with Eating Disorders May Be Resistant to Treatment
As a parent, you can clearly see that your teen is suffering because of their eating disorder. You can see that letting go of their eating disorder would make them happier.
Here’s why they may not:
In part, eating disorders are a coping mechanism. Giving it up means they have to face the underlying issues motivating their eating disorder.
They may not think their eating disorder is "that bad", and is certainly not bad enough to merit intense treatment.
They may feel hopeless, like they’ll never be able to change.
They might be embarrassed, or have internalized stigma around eating disorders (this is especially true in men and boys with eating disorders),
They might have tried to recover before, and it didn’t work.
This often results in your teen being defensive or resistant when approaching the subject of eating disorder treatment, or outright refusing to go. If you are having difficulty even starting to talk about it, find some good ways to approach the subject here.
What to Do if Your Teen Outright Refuses to Go to Treatment
We want to be on the same team - you and your teen against the ED. This means moving your child towards treatment by their own free will. Below are some tips to make that happen.
Do not give into the disorder.
A resistant teen is going to pull out all the stops when it comes to avoiding treatment. They may threaten to engage further in behaviors, self harm, or do any other number of things to keep you from following through with medical advice.
It’s a scary thing to hear your child talk like that, but remember that it’s actually the eating disorder talking. Medical professionals are the experts on starting and maintaining recovery, and they are the ones you should be listening to. Make sure to follow through with everything they recommend.
Also be sure to follow through on everything you say as well. If you’re going to call therapists and make appointments, do so. If you promise rewards and/or consequences, make sure to follow through with those as well.
Find out what motivates them, besides the eating disorder.
What does your teen enjoy? What do they want? Remind them of those things when talking to them about eating disorder treatment. Remind them that if they’re not well enough, they can’t study abroad, or go to important events over the summer, or be with the family over the holidays. There are many things that they’ll be missing out on if they don’t get help. Remind them of those good things.
Generally, we want to opt for positive reinforcement over negative consequences. If your child refuses to go to treatment and you do impose consequences, try to take away things and make it obvious that it is because of the dangers related to their eating disorder. If your teen refuses to engage in treatment, they can’t be a part of a sports team because it’s too dangerous for them. Eating disorders have the highest mortality right of any mental illness. This is not something that can be taken lightly, either by you or by them.
The Benefits of Family Involvement in Your Teen’s Treatment and Recovery
You may feel helpless when it comes to your child's eating disorder recovery, but there are many ways you can support them. The first thing to do is to educate yourself about eating disorders. Ask medical professionals who have recommended eating disorder treatment for your child about eating disorder signs and symptoms. Ask them about their treatment recommendations and why they have made them.
Also, do some research into the kind of programs offered by various recovery facilities. Consider your teen's personality and values when deciding upon a course of action. Do they value being close to family? If they do, consider treatment close to home. Is there a certain treatment method that has worked (or not worked) for them? Consider facilities that cater to these concerns.
Family therapy sessions can help to have an open discussion about family dynamics and the impact of the eating disorder on the family. It can bring to light how everyone in the house relates to food, and work to make sure that it's a positive one. It's also a time to make a plan for maintaining recovery at home.
Aftercare and At-home Parental Support
There are many things to be done on the home front. First and foremost: Do not "go on a diet". It can be very difficult for someone attempting to restore a normal relationship with food to see a role model doing the opposite. Try not to comment on weight or shape at all.
Let your family be a source of strength for your teen. Eat meals together, taking care to distract your teen when needed, and discuss any emotional difficulty, too. Continue to show your love and support for them, while maintaining that firm stance against your teen’s eating disorder. And of course, take care of yourself and the rest of your family!
Related: Want to know more about practical ways to help a family member in their recovery? Click here.
Here at ‘Ai Pono, we understand that not everyone is motivated to recover initially, and that’s really difficult for the parents of teens with eating disorders. We also believe in the possibility of finding inner strength. You may feel helpless when trying to combat a loved one’s eating disorder, but that is far from true.
If you or someone you love is suffering from an eating disorder, take the first step today and talk to talk to someone about recovery or simply learn more about the eating disorder recovery programs we offer.