How to Remain in Eating Disorder Recovery over Thanksgiving
Written by ‘Ai Pono Hawaii Staff Writer
Thanksgiving can be a time of celebration and family gatherings. However, it can also be a trying time for those in eating disorder recovery, as they have to face challenges surrounding food and the potential challenges presented unintentionally by other members of the family. However, it is completely possible to remain in eating disorder recovery over this holiday and the entirety of the holiday season. In this article, we’ll discuss:
How to prepare for Thanksgiving beforehand
How to cope with meal challenges
How to handle any triggering languages, at the table and otherwise
How to cope after Thanksgiving dinner to ensure you don’t fall into a compensatory behavior
It’s important to know that you can get through this holiday. And if Thanksgiving day is just about survival, that’s enough. You don’t have to fully engage if it doesn’t protect your recovery.
Steps You Can Take to Prepare for Thanksgiving Beforehand
You already know that eating disorder challenges are likely to come up over Thanksgiving, which means you have a kind of “upper hand.”
Plan your meal in advance.
Talk to your care team (therapist, dietician, etc.) about how to plan dinner so that you meet your meal plan, while also managing any anxiety that comes up. It is a common practice when in the midst of an eating disorder to restrict in the hours before Thanksgiving dinner as a way to compensate for the meal. But restriction is a slippery slope: you may binge later, or end up restricting yourself further.
You should eat breakfast and lunch as you normally would. If dinner is at five p.m., then you can adjust your dinner and snacks to meet this time. It is essential though, to make sure you’re meeting all your meal plan requirements.
When it comes to a very high anxiety meal, it is okay to plan your meal in advance. You can discuss meal options with your family, as well as your treatment team. It helps to walk in with a plan of what you will have, that way you don’t feel overwhelmed in the moment. It’s also okay if you want to stick to foods that feel more safe on Thanksgiving. Having the meal itself is challenging enough, and today does not have to be the day to push yourself any more.
Click here for steps to take when planning out your dinner plate.
Build your support system.
You should plan on having a support system around you, so that If you feel overwhelmed by Thanksgiving festivities, you have someone to talk to. Identify the people who can support you when you need it, those who understand your struggles and can be present for you when the time comes. They can also be your guide when it comes to eating. You are having the same foods as they are, and that’s okay.
All foods are okay to eat, for them and for you.
Cope ahead.
First, know that this will be a stressful time, and that it is okay. It is okay to not feel amazing on this holiday. Second, know that you can make it through the day while keeping your recovery progress intact. Be kind to yourself on this day. Try to move away from a place of judgment about food, recovery, and yourself. Forgive yourself from any slips, and move on from them.
Related: Learn how to tolerate painful emotions and situations here.
And, instead of ruminating on dinner, looming in the distance, find ways to distract and soothe yourself. Plan out some nice activities for yourself, like watching movies or doing a face mask. Practice self care throughout the entire day.
For an entire list of self soothing tools, skills, and practices, click here.
Plan for What to Do After the Thanksgiving Meal
You may feel very vulnerable post-meal, so plan for ways to manage any urges to use behaviors. Spend time with your support system, find distracting activities, and plan for self care. Try not to be alone after the meal, because this is essentially being alone with a loud eating disorder voice.
How to Cope on Thanksgiving Day
You may find many family members who are completely immersed in diet culture. During mealtime, and throughout the day, they might talk about how “bad” they’re eating, how they’ll have to “walk off the meal”, or about how much weight they’ll put on as a result of this one meal.
You may also look different than the last time some of your family members have seen you, and they may (unfortunately) comment on your body. They may mean well when doing so, but nonetheless, many find it triggering.
There are a few ways to respond to triggering commentary:
Ignore and disengage: You do not owe anyone any explanations or responses.
If you are asked a question, give a simple answer and change the subject.
You can give simple answers to questions or comments, such as “my body, my business", or, as recovery advocate Megsy Recovery often says, "different bodies, different paths".
You can tell those who "advice" about your body or your food intake, tell them that you appreciate their concern, but that you are working with professionals to manage your nutrition.
Explicitly ask for triggering language to stop. For instance, at the dinner table, you can say: "Can we talk about something besides food, diets, etc.?"
If you feel comfortable doing so, explain why their language is triggering, which helps them to understand and to prevent these topics in the future. Some family members may not understand though, so only take this step with people you trust to be compassionate towards you and your struggles.
What to Do After Completing the Meal
If you are feeling distressed post meal, lean on your supports to help you stay on track with your recovery goals. If you feel like engaging in eating disorder behaviors, tell them, and ask for help.
This is a moment when you want to practice opposite action: If your eating disorder is telling you to do one thing, do exactly the opposite. Your eating disorder serves only to take any opportunity to throw you off your recovery path. Don't give it the opportunity. Use those coping skills you planned out.
On the following days, stick to your regular meal plan. It’s normal to eat a little more on Thanksgiving. It’s important to keep a normal routine after Thanksgiving, too. And congratulate yourself: you’ve made it through a difficult time while remaining your recovery. We here at ‘Ai Pono know that it’s completely possible to manage the holidays in recovery — you just have to plan for them.
If you or someone you love is suffering from an eating disorder, take the first step today and talk to talk to someone about recovery, or simply learn more about the eating disorder recovery programs we offer.