Self Love v. Self Acceptance in Eating Disorder Recovery
Written by ‘Ai Pono Hawaii Staff Writer
In eating disorder recovery, the goal is not only to stop disordered behaviors, but to begin living a life in a way that feels good, makes you happy, and supports overall physical and emotional wellbeing. Living a life you enjoy leaves little room for a relapse to engage in disordered behaviors again which is essential for long-term full recovery. An essential part of this process is finding unconditional acceptance for ourselves. But you may be wondering, is self-acceptance the same as self-love? And what are the importance of these two practices in recovery?
In this article, we will discuss:
What self-love really is
What self-acceptance is
The importance of self-acceptance in the recovery process
What acceptance really means
How self-acceptance improves your life overall
What is self-love?
You may hear phrases often such as, “you have to love yourself,” “love yourself first,” “don’t forget to love yourself.” Or you might think it is simply standing in front of a mirror and saying “I love myself.” But self-love is more complex than that. While the idea of self-love sounds great, many people that struggle with eating disorders find the concept of self-love a difficult goal to reach. So, what is self-love?
Self-love doesn’t have one set definition, and may mean different things to each individual person. In a general definition, self-love is a state of appreciation for oneself. Self-love means that you not only accept yourself, but you love yourself for who you are. Self-love is carried out in life by treating yourself with kindness and respect, prioritizing your wellbeing, and celebrating yourself.
You may be wondering, is loving yourself narcissistic, vain or selfish? Not in the slightest. Loving yourself does not mean you think you are better than anyone else, or prevent you from showing up for others. Loving yourself means you value yourself to make good choices for yourself, showing up for yourself, forgiving yourself, and being able to form better relationships with others.
But, at the root of self-love is self-acceptance.
Let’s talk about self-acceptance…
Self-acceptance is the key to a better relationship with ourselves. Accepting yourself is something that is unconditional no matter what happens. In acceptance there is no room for judgment, self-criticism, comparing yourself to others. It is being able to identify that you are worthy and enough as you are, without any criteria needing to be met or sustained. Accepting yourself is also free of relying on others for validation or confirmation that you are worthy of acceptance.
Why is self-acceptance an important part of the recovery process?
So often those with eating disorders struggle with self-acceptance. While everyone has their own story and history that contributed to the development of an eating disorder, there are some underlying beliefs or struggles that often are uncovered in the recovery process. Disordered behaviors often emerge from a combination of self-hatred, judgment of oneself, shame of oneself, a disconnection from oneself, or beliefs that you are unworthy, not lovable or not good enough.
Additionally, people that struggle with an eating disorder struggle with negative self-talk. An eating disorder involves a lot of rules around food and exercise, maintained by a harsh critical inner voice that judges and criticizes every action and decision. This intense dialogue further perpetuates an unhealthy relationship with yourself, your body, your food and exercise.
It is important to remember that nutritional nourishment plays an important role in finding a healthier relationship with yourself. When a body and mind are malnourished due to disordered behaviors, it can be challenging to rationally think about themselves or begin to change the way they view themselves.
If I accept myself as I am, does that mean I give up on change & recovery?
A misconception of self-acceptance is that in the presence of acceptance, we abandon change. Self-acceptance does not mean you can no longer be motivated to change or improve things in your life, it means that your approach in how you change and treat yourself is radically different. Change in an accepting light means allowing yourself to go through the process of growth and change, without unrelenting judgment and criticism that often keeps you stuck from moving forward in the first place.
Think about teaching a child how to ride a bike. You would teach them with kindness and patience. You would listen to their fears and meet them where they are. When they fall down or want to give up, you’d meet them with compassion and remind them that it does not define who they are. If they fell down and you berated them for it, do you think they are likely to get back on with confidence? The same applies to how you treat yourself in eating disorder recovery.
You cannot hate yourself into recovery. True healing cannot not happen when we are unable to accept where we are at, the struggles we are facing, and the ups and downs of recovery. It is not being hard on yourself for challenging days or relapses. It is giving yourself credit for doing yourself, forgiving yourself, and being kind to yourself while taking the next best step. Rather than guilt, shame and hatred getting you stuck in the cycle of binging, purging, overeating or restricting, you get to give yourself some grace and move forward in your recovery. That kind voice inside of you will allow you to progress in your recovery.
How self-acceptance improves your life overall
Being able to accept yourself and begin recognizing we are worthy of love is the foundation that allows us to live healthier by setting boundaries, being assertive, valuing healthy relationships, valuing self-care and all of the things that improve our wellbeing. Here are some examples of how self-acceptance can transform your lives:
You talk to yourself in a more positive and encouraging way
You accept your humanness
You recognize your needs and get them met
You are able to communicate assertively
You expect being treated with kindness and respect
You accept your feelings and can sit with them
You pursue the things that make you happy
You celebrate your growth and accomplishments
You ask for support and help when you need it
You set boundaries with the people in your life
You nourish yourself, even on difficult days
You believe you are worthy of recovery
You are honest and hold yourself accountable
Ready to take the next step?
While the journey to self-love and self-acceptance may seem daunting from where you are right now, with the guidance of a professional, like a therapist or seeking treatment, can help you address the root factors that influence how you view yourself. You deserve to find a more accepting and loving relationship with yourself.
If you are ready to seek support or have questions about treatment programs, reach out to our team today to learn more.