5 Things No One Tells You About Eating Disorder Recovery

Written by ‘Ai Pono Hawaii Staff Writer

1. Eating disorder recovery is not linear.

It would be much easier if eating disorder recovery came with a step by step instruction manual, but the process is a bit more complex than that. There may be times where you begin to struggle with behaviors you thought you would never return to or you fall into a relapse and are feeling stuck in old habits. Recovery from an eating disorder is far from a linear process, it is important to know it comes with some ups and downs.

In the beginning, these lapses or moments of struggle may feel discouraging and frustrating. It is important to treat yourself with compassion and kindness during these moments and remember the goal is not to be perfect at recovery, but to aim for progress. Reframing struggles and lapses as opportunities for learning and growth is a way to continue moving in the right direction without letting setbacks stop you in your tracks. Reflecting on how you were feeling, what different coping mechanisms worked or didn't work, and leaning on your support are a hidden opportunity to strengthen your recovery. 

You do not have to be perfect at recovery, the only thing that matters is that you continue to push yourself and take the next best step towards healing. Life comes with unexpected twists, do not expect yourself to have all the answers. As long as you are doing your best and pushing yourself in the right direction, trust the recovery process. 

2. Honesty is vital to recovery success. 

You may have heard the saying 'you're only as sick as your secrets.'  In eating disorder recovery, honesty is truly your most powerful weapon to defeat your eating disorder. You may be asking yourself, what does being honest in recovery even mean? 

First and foremost, it is being honest about where you are in recovery. What behaviors are you engaging in? How often are you binging and purging, are you restricting more than you are sharing, are you engaging in movement you shouldn't be engaging in, are you not taking the medication you should be, is there more going on than you are sharing with your treatment team? No matter how small these things may seem to you in the moment, holding onto even a small part of your eating disorder makes it easy to slip back into hold patterns. 

Beyond being honest about behaviors and thoughts, being in treatment for an eating disorder means digging deep into the 'why' behind your eating disorder. In working with a therapist and a treatment team, you will explore what may have triggered the development of your eating disorder and what function it serves and previously served for you. Every person struggling with an eating disorder will have a different story. What matters most is your willingness to address the root cause. We know this can be difficult and it is important to find a provider you feel comfortable with and trust to explore these often difficult topics. In letting go of pretending and shame, you strengthen your recovery.

3. You get to discover who you really are.

Being active in an eating disorder consumes a lot of time and energy. After struggling for some time, it may feel like you have no idea who you are and what you want out of your life. Oftentimes, people will say they feel like their eating disorder has become their whole identity. 

Recovery from an eating disorder is not simply stopping disordered behaviors, it is learning to be able to live a life where you don’t need your eating disorder. It may seem both exciting and intimidating at first, but recovery is a unique opportunity to discover who you really are. In letting go of your eating disorder, you have the chance to step back and look at your life in its entirety to make changes that support you and your wellbeing. 

What makes you happy? What fills your soul up? How will you spend the time you've reclaimed from your eating disorder? This is a chance to reconnect with your values and build a life that you genuinely love living. The beauty of this part of recovery is that when you feel so connected to yourself and your life, the odds of you returning to the safety of your eating disorder reduce tremendously. 

4. You must let go of the diet mentality .

In letting go of an eating disorder and building a healthier relationship with food, a crucial step is letting go of the diet mentality to allow room to learn how to nourish yourself without rules or restrictions. 

What is the diet mentality? This is holding onto the hope there is a way to change your body weight or shape. In order to truly transform how you think about eating, letting go of the rules, beliefs and thoughts that keep you stuck in a cycle of shame, guilt and anxiety that lead to continued disordered eating. 

Actions that support this may include throwing out the scale, deleting a calorie tracking app,  no longer buying dieting books, no longer following accounts or social media influencers encouraging weight loss or no longer engaging in diet talk. Letting go of the dieting mentality also means recognizing your worth is not correlated to your your weight, size or shape. It is learning that manipulating your body is not going to make things better. Ultimately, learning to take care of yourself and your body exactly as you are now. 

5. Recovery is hard, but 100% possible.

We will be honest: recovery from an eating disorder is hard! It may even be the hardest thing you've ever done. It takes tremendous courage to show up every day and to choose to fight your eating disorder. There are going to be moments when your eating disorder gets loud and you begin to question if you were sick enough in the first place, whether or not recovery is worth it, if you should take a break from treatment, if it’s not the right time to be in treatment, or if recovery is even possible for you. 

It's important to know you are not alone in those thoughts. Most people in recovery have had some version of them at some time. When these moments arise and you begin to wonder why you are working so hard to eat your fear foods, show up in therapy, accept body changes - these are a great time to take a step back and reconnect with why you began this process in the first place. 

Were you tired of being sick? Did you want to be able to connect in a meaningful way with your loved ones? Did you want to show up to your life in a new way? Did you want to be able to get dinner with friends? These reasons, both big and small, once ignited a sense of willingness to let go and explore recovery. The good news is they are still within you. 

While recovery is difficult, it is also very much possible. It may seem impossible to imagine that one day you will no longer feel so consumed by thoughts of your body, weight and food; but one day you will wake up and your eating disorder will no longer be as loud as it was. 

If you or a loved one is suffering from an eating disorder, take the first step today and talk to someone about recovery or start by learning about the eating disorder recovery programs we offer.