Eating Disorder Recovery: Finding your Tribe
Written by ‘Ai Pono Hawaii Staff Writer
If you’ve struggled with feelings of loneliness and isolation, you’re not alone. Research shows eating disorders thrive on social withdrawal, isolation, and loneliness. In fact, the more individuals disconnect from others, the stronger and more severe their disorder becomes.
This is why finding your tribe--opening up about your struggles and connecting with people who care about you--is one of the most critical components of eating disorder recovery. But finding your tribe isn’t always easy for those struggling with an eating disorder. If you or a loved one are recovering from an ED, here are four simple tips to help you find your tribe in eating disorder recovery.
Finding Your Tribe is Key to Recovery
Isolation, loneliness, and social withdrawal are common symptoms accompanying eating disorders. Research has uncovered that individuals with EDs show higher levels of loneliness, have low trust in others (even with close others like parents and friends), and display an unwillingness to share personal information (especially about eating) with others.
One study found that among adolescents with ED, social-emotional isolation was directly linked to binge eating episodes and increased body image dissatisfaction. Another study found that ED patients who isolated themselves were less likely to seek professional help and experienced a significant increase in ED symptoms. In other words, isolation and loneliness are not only common symptoms of ED but they also fuel eating disorder behaviors.
What is the Connection Between Isolation and Eating Disorders?
Individuals with eating disorders often isolate themselves (both emotionally and socially) from friends and family in an effort to hide their behaviors and mask the severity of their illness. It’s much easier to skip meals and engage in harmful behaviors when you’re away from the questions and comments of concerned loved ones. “Eating disorders thrive on secrecy and isolation. They get stronger when no one knows what you’re up to,” states Lindsay Ronga, an eating disorder recovery coach, in a Healthline article.
Another reason isolation is a common symptom among individuals with EDs is that eating in front of other people (especially in a public setting like a restaurant) is often an extremely painful experience for those with eating disorders. From being surrounded by fear foods and not being able to control how much food is portioned on their plate to concerns about how other people are perceiving them during the meal, eating in public feels like walking through a field of landmines for many people with EDs. Since food and eating are at the center of many social gatherings and interactions (Friday night dates, weekend hangouts with friends, lunch meetings, and family meals around the table), the fear of eating in public causes many ED sufferers to retreat from the world in isolation.
Finally, people with eating disorders often believe something is inherently wrong with them and that they aren’t worthy to be loved and accepted the way they are. This belief leads to feelings of shame, low self-esteem, insecurities, and depression, causing many individuals with an ED to cut themselves off from loved ones and friends and withdraw in isolation. But far from helping the individual feel better about themselves, isolation validates feelings of worthlessness and keeps the sufferer stuck in a trap of depression, low self-esteem, harmful behaviors, and loneliness.
Finding Your Tribe Brings Connection and Healing
One of the most important steps you can take in recovering from an eating disorder is to break free from the cycle of isolation and loneliness and find connection and eating disorder support. Stepping out of the shadows and secrecy of emotional and/or social isolation can be hard, but it is worth it. “For the longest time, I removed myself from so many people because I believed isolating myself was a better option. I would no longer be a burden to others. [...] I wouldn’t have anyone to hold me accountable for my actions,” shares Lauren Dow, body positive and mental health advocate. Dow goes on to say that letting people into her life and finding her “tribe” was a critical part of her eating disorder recovery journey, giving her the accountability and support she needed to say goodbye to her eating disorder forever.
What Does Finding Your Tribe Mean?
Finding your tribe means finding and surrounding yourself with likeminded people you can do life with. It means having someone to talk to when you’re having a rough day, opening up about your setbacks and struggles, and being surrounded by people who care about you and support you even on the tough days.
Your tribe may be comprised of your treatment team and group therapy companions, supportive family members, an online ED support group, and new or old friends. Your tribe may consist of 20 different people or be a small group of just four or five. The whole point is to find people you can turn to for support, motivation, and encouragement. Remember, eating disorders want to keep you trapped in isolation and despair. They thrive when you’re alone and cut off from friends and loved ones. But having an eating disorder recovery tribe means no matter how hard the day might be, you don’t have to struggle through it alone anymore. Your tribe is there to help you.
4 Tips on Finding Your Tribe in Eating Disorder Recovery
Seek Professional Support First
The first step in finding your tribe is to seek professional eating disorder help. Start by opening up and talking to someone (a doctor, counselor, parent, therapist, or treatment center) about your struggles and learn about eating disorder recovery programs in your area. As you seek professional help, keep in mind that not all specialists are a good fit for everyone. So don’t get discouraged or give up if you don’t connect with the right team immediately. Be persistent and seek out a treatment team (physician, therapist, counselor, dietitian, psychiatrist) you feel comfortable and at ease with.
Find a Like-Minded Community
Once you’ve begun working with a treatment team or specialist, the next step is to find a likeminded community of people you can share your struggles and successes with. It’s not always easy to find a supportive tribe of likeminded people in your local area, but thanks to technology, you don’t have to live in the same city or state to find and build meaningful relationships. Some of the best ways to find a likeminded community during recovery are to enroll in eating disorder group therapy sessions, participate in online forums like the National Eating Disorder Association online forums, and connect with an eating disorder online support group. Some of our favorite online support groups for eating disorder recovery include:
Many people in recovery also turn to social media to connect with others in ED recovery, find inspirational and educational tools, and share their own personal stories. However, be cautious in following recovery-related accounts (especially if you are in the early stages of eating disorder recovery), as some recovery accounts can be triggering.
Set Healthy Limits
Finding your tribe in eating disorder recovery may mean you have to set boundaries and even let go of certain people who challenge your recovery and no longer bring positivity into your life. This might mean muting or unfollowing friends on social media who make you feel bad about your body or promote dieting/weight loss. It might mean asking for some space or even ending an unhealthy relationship. Being intentional about who you surround yourself with is an important part of finding your tribe and becoming healed and whole.
Reconnect with Yourself, Then Others
If you’ve struggled with an eating disorder for any length of time, you’ve most likely lost touch with your inner self and forgotten many of the things you once loved. Constantly being consumed with thoughts about food, eating, exercise, and purging is exhausting and leaves little time for anything else. This means part of finding your tribe is finding yourself. Find out what you love to do. Reconnect with things that bring you joy. Maybe it’s an old, forgotten hobby or a new activity you’ve never tried.
Once you rediscover the things you love, connect with others who share similar interests. This might mean joining an ultimate frisbee league, taking a yoga class, joining a community orchestra, or signing up for painting or cooking lessons. Group activities and classes are a great way to connect with others and forge new friendships, especially for anyone who might struggle to make new friends.
If you or someone you love is suffering from an eating disorder, take the first step today and talk to talk to someone about recovery or simply learn more about the eating disorder recovery programs we offer.